"I have a stress stomach-ache"

This past Wednesday all my elementary school students had a four hour exam at the public school. I can't imagine being nine, ten, or twenty-four years old and being able to handle four straight hours of testing. At Cal Poly I had a three hour test once. I've never had a lobotomy, but it felt like had one after that test. And adding one more hour to that probably would have resulted in a shutting down of my central nervous system.

The parents of my kids put too much emphasis on these tests. The kids had way too much pressure on them. I asked about the test in all of my classes and the fewest hours of studying per days was three. Most kids were studying four to six hours every day leading up to the test. I had a lot of kids fall asleep in class on Monday and Tuesday and I let them rest. I had so many kids complain of "stress stomach-aches" (ulcers) that I wanted to take the kids to a park to play. But the kids would tell their parents about the playtime and the students would promptly be moved to a more serious English school.

I want to tell these parents that their children do not have genetically superior brains that allow them to study as much as doctoral students. I spend a lot of time with these kids and they are just like American kids. Both groups have about 45 seconds of quality study time before their minds wander to thoughts of candy and shiny things. Most of my students have one hour of math at school, one hour at a private school, and one hour of homework everyday. I was doing long division with some of my fifth graders and their skills were just as mediocre as those of my old elementary classmates. I wish the parents would realize the most important part is the first 45 seconds. The other 2 hours 59 minutes and 15 seconds are wasted play time.

Perhaps because the kids have no playtime they don't develop the ability the throw and catch adequately. In the United States, the term to describe how these kids throw and catch is "like a girl." Sometimes students ask me for pencils, erasers, tape, or translation dictionaries. One of my greatest joys at school is to toss these items to the kids. The panicked terror in their faces as my arm swings back is priceless. The item normally evades there spastic grasp to hit them in the face or chest. They think it's funny too, so I'm not the only one laughing. I have them throw it back to me when they're finished, and that usually sends the item flying randomly through the air to hit another student.